An Unforgivable Sin
by Lady Alice Kyteler
Summary: What can Severus have done that causes him to feel such grief?


An Unforgivable Sin

Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, swept out of the door of his quarters, his long black robe billowing around him as he strode towards the lake. On a different day this would have been a pleasant walk; today, the weather reflected his mood - dark, grey, and painfully cold.

"What have I done?" he thought, staring out over the lake with unseeing eyes. In the distance, the giant squid writhed in the lake's chilly depths, its tangling tentacles reflecting the torment in the Professor's mind.

"How can she ever forgive me?" he mused. "After all the things I have done, all the things she has forgiven me, why did I do this? How can she possibly care for a fool such as I?"

From the doorway of the castle, Hermione watched the dark shadow that was her husband, standing motionless by the lake as the first few flakes of snow began to fall. His troubled state of mind was betrayed by his very stillness; any other, less significant, cause of distress - an exploded cauldron, an impertinent student - would have caused him to pace about in anger. But now he stood so still, so silent, his arms wrapped around his body as if to comfort himself when no-one else could.

Hermione sighed, regretting her impatient outburst when she discovered what he had done. And he had done many terrible things in the past, it was true. But they were just that - in the past - and she loved him all the more for his strength in overcoming them and his courage in confessing them to her. Still, she knew, his guilt ran deep and at times he seemed barely able to believe that she had truly forgiven him. She pulled her robe more tightly around herself, some small comfort against the biting wind, and crossed the lawn until she stood a mere few feet away from him.

"Severus?" she said, gently, willing him to turn to her, to allow her to soothe away his fears. But he stood still, so still, the only movement about him the blowing of his hair in the rising wind.

"Severus!" she said again, more loudly this time. "Talk to me!"

And now he turned to look at her and she gasped at the sight of his face. What little colour he possessed had drained away, leaving the lines of pain, guilt and fear etched clearly across his features. It was the face of a man who had destroyed everything he held dear, a man who was beginning to believe that the world held no redemption for him.

She swiftly closed the gap between them, taking him in her arms and holding him close, wanting to soothe him as one would a frightened child or a wounded animal. Wanting to stroke his hair, and kiss his brow, and reassure him that "everything will be all right". But he pulled away and looked at her, his hair blowing wildly in the mounting wind and his eyes reflecting his fear of losing her.

"How can you want to be near me?" he cried as he turned away from her again, the wind carrying his words away almost before she heard them. He continued in a low monotone, his voice so devoid of feeling that she had to move closer in order to hear him. But still he turned away from her.

"After all I have done, all those terrible deeds in my past, how can you want to be near me?" he muttered, as if to himself. "I think I had truly begun to believe that I was forgiven, that I was worthy of your love. But this…this was an unforgivable thing to do. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. How could I have done anything that would cause you hurt? I would do anything to make you happy but through my own thoughtlessness I have only brought you trouble."

He paused, as if to gather his thoughts, and turned to face her. But still he refused to meet her eyes with his own.

"I will leave at once." he said heavily. "With my reputation, I should have no trouble in finding work as a commercial potion brewer. And you…you will be happier here without me. Without me holding you back you will be able to achieve more than you ever dreamed possible…"

He broke off bitterly and stared at the ground, as though hoping to find something, anything, among the snowflakes that sparkled so incongruously against the dead winter grass. Hermione laid her hand on his arm and spoke to him gently.

"Severus, listen to me. I love you. I know everything you have done and I forgive you. I am not going to let you beat yourself up over this! Yes, it was an unfortunate mistake to make, but part of the fault is mine. I shouldn't have snapped at you as I did, and I'm sorry. But please don't leave me, Severus. I love you and I want you to stay here with me. I need you to stay."

He looked up at her now, hope dawning in his eyes as her words sank in. He took her hand and held it tightly.

"Do…do you mean it?" he asked, hesitantly. "I did an awful thing to you, and you have every right to be angry. I am so very sorry, Hermione."

"I forgive you, Severus, and I love you. Forever." she declared firmly, and took him into her arms; he returned the gesture and they stood there for some time, holding each other close with no need for mere words to break the silent understanding between them. But before they pulled apart, he bent his head to murmur in her ear.

"I love you, Hermione, and I swear to you, I will never leave the toilet seat up again." 


End file.
